did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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