my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
