wrigley field is MILF paradise
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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