STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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