He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
