I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
