if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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