don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
