he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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