just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
