Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
