Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
