I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
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I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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