Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
