so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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