I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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