The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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