I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
