I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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