She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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