I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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