Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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