I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
