Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
