it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
