Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
