he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
