Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
