it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
