I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
