he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize