i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
