yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
