I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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