I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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