the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize