Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm like, not good at living.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
