Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
