i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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