There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
