Need sex. Gaining weight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
