stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
