well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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