listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
