At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
