So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
