ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
