Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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