I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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