i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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