If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
