wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
