i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
