Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
