i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
